I was… looking for this picture for … like forever.
… has passed away, already from this year …
It’s cold outside, I feel a wide open space inside. I walk alone, but not alone… I carry my ghosts, I carry a mind which is not silenced yet, I hold on to old habits like rags … There is a fight going on in this wide space, sometimes I’m able to stand aside and watch the combatants, sometimes I become one of them, sometimes I forget … everything.
So much to live, so much to sense, so thankful to God that I ExisT. What else is there to say, we all have a chance, we all can learn, we all can stop for a moment and see the flux of time-life-space. There is a time for everything. My time is now, to try to be more and in the same time to be less, like a sculpture waiting to be revealed from the raw cube which is hiding it.
Two steps … on stop … fading away …
To what remains, I can only say that some feelings are hard to express, some states of body and mind are hard to comprehend. Right now I feel tired and nebulous … searching for something which is not of this world. But then I stop, and sit, and stop again, just sitting here and there as master Dogen once said.
I wanted to say something about all… but then I realized I can only say things about me… who am I to know things about “all”. I do not know myself enough and I was told I hold a bit too much pride and that I’m not so open-minded … so shutting down this mind (from time to time) would be a good idea, I should think ten-fold and then speak once … or speak no more. There is much to observe and learn for this grasshopper, which is not so young anymore.
And now … a little clip.
Just to be free and feel the flow of life.
Fading away… till next time.
The new year started with mixed feelings, mixed bags of ideas, actions and reactions.
What was achieved? Lots I would say. Brian is alive! That’s the most important thing I think. Then we are all healthy and sound (especially Brian -> “storming” the house everyday). My Lady is fighting for her own goals, Maya is doing her best and I … I changed.
On the mind domain I’m not that satisfied, too much mind is not good for my health, gotta tone it done more. The mill is spinning too much…
On the physical side of the things I’m satisfied and motivated, as I said, I wanna be much more than I am now.
Weight is still around 70, but I increased my strength to double of what was 6 months ago.
For this year I’ve set a few goals, small incremental steps in various domains. Remembering where I am and what I can and want to achieve. For the moment the progress is great, but I feel tired – no wonder since the intensity of the training is near the top. So, I need more rest, reducing the cardio is one of the steps, not sure is the right one.
As a side story, for the long-term, I’ve set an ambitious goal till I get 40 🙂 – to train and get a black belt in taekwondo. Should not take more than 3 years from the moment I start the effective training. We’ll see…
As the year started I was asking myself several times what is the thing/feeling which motivates me to work hard in this direction. The only answer I found for now is that I’m just sick of being … sick. I no longer want to live on meds, feel weak and just aging like the others without a goal, a will to be more. And in a few months the results started hitting me in a positive way, so why stop now? Feeling special?! Perhaps that too, but it’s a positive change. Comparing myself to others? Yes and no, not sure how “bad” this habit is…
So, if no major doom kicks in, this year seems to be a good year for all plans. Just gotta work smarter…
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is doing awesome!.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has 296 steps to reach the top. This blog was viewed about 1,000 times in 2010. If those were steps, it would have climbed the Leaning Tower of Pisa 3 times
In 2010, there were 34 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 22 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 17mb. That’s about 2 pictures per month.
The busiest day of the year was January 28th with 59 views. The most popular post that day was Everything starts somewhere.
Where did they come from?
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, en.wordpress.com, think.hotnews.ro, linkedin.com, and forum.computergames.ro.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for kia ceed black pearl, kia ceed sw fl, kia ceed fl, kia cee’d black pearl, and kia ceed sw black pearl.
Attractions in 2010
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
Everything starts somewhere January 2010
Rainmeter March 2010
A song to remember February 2010
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