One month

… has passed away, already from this year …

It’s cold outside, I feel a wide open space inside. I walk alone, but not alone… I carry my ghosts, I carry a mind which is not silenced yet, I hold on to old habits like rags … There is a fight going on in this wide space, sometimes I’m able to stand aside and watch the combatants, sometimes I become one of them, sometimes I forget … everything.

So much to live, so much to sense, so thankful to God that I ExisT.  What else is there to say, we all have a chance, we all can learn, we all can stop for a moment and see the flux of time-life-space.  There is a time for everything. My time is now, to try to be more and in the same time to be less, like a sculpture waiting to be revealed from the raw cube which is hiding it.

Two steps … on stop … fading away …

To what remains, I can only say that some feelings are hard to express, some states of body and mind are hard to comprehend. Right  now I feel tired and nebulous … searching for something which is not of this world. But then I stop, and sit, and stop again, just sitting here and there as master Dogen once said.

I wanted to say something about all… but then I realized I can only say things about me… who am I to know things about “all”. I do not know myself enough and I was told I hold a bit too much pride and that I’m not so open-minded … so shutting down this mind (from time to time) would be a good idea, I should think ten-fold and then speak once … or speak no more.  There is much to observe and learn for this grasshopper, which is not so young anymore.

And now … a little clip.

Just to be free and feel the flow of life.

Fading away… till next time.

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