A dark chant in my heart. A blink of an eye. A sound wave to travel on.
And I dreamed again, long dream of flying and ascending. There was light and darkness. There were voices and decisions. A goal was eluding my sight, but I kept on rising and traveling.
When I woke up all was forgotten.. For a while. And then it bubbled up through my awareness. And I remembered the flight, the feeling of moving thru space, to hover above the world, the feeling of freedom and detachment.
A great silence engulfed me then in reality, a well-being feeling, a peace of mind, body and soul.
I’m still bathing in that silence, still traveling the inner sea. A dark chant is following on my trail.
So there is hope.
Now I remember.
There was a fleeting moment, a glimpse into myself, a self mirroring. The mind was crunching again notions, facts, happenings and fortunately the Observer was … observing. For each moment remembered there was an “I” until there occurred a realisation – between the “I” and the next “I” it was a translation, a jump, a stretching, a … something… and “I” lost its meaning. To put this into words, hard it is… “I” became a self viewed process, became the ghost outside the shell.
Since then, a shadow of doubt obscures my view, I look, I listen, I perceive .. but is it all the same? I feel like a buoy in an infinite sea, having roots but still too much weight to always stay above the waves. Sun, sea, sky and me. And infinite crossroads. What do I choose? How do I struggle? What is the meaning of the “I”?
A Ghost in the Shell. The name of an animation movie which left me longing and thinking. It had a certain impact on me, a message to receive beyond the actual techno-fantasy it presents. A message about trans-humanity, about an uncertain type of future. The swan song of humanity as we know it.
In the beginning I was floating… No direction, no sense, no feeling. Or was it the beginning?
Then it came. Like a sound. But it was a wave. A ripple in the fabric of my vision. A thundering wave molded from velvet darkness and liquid infinity. It’s progress was reverberating in my soul like the steps of an angel in a deserted hall of stone. Each step has it’s own descending power, each step marks the passing of an age.
After the first wave there was light and rays and halos. Luminous clouds were rolling, chasing the sound, altering the perception, swirling around the center. And sinuous thoughts were taking form, attraction was forming, gravity was taking a hold. In all this time, the observer was observed, the life kept claiming more and more from the nothingness.
So pulled I was. To that and that and that. To feelings, to emotions, to facts and non-facts, to illusions, to forms … Attraction acting as a law, my own blindness acting as a sticky glue, leaving me bound to things without value, to an unrelenting past and a tangled web of petty tyrants.
Step after step, wave after wave, crushing my own illusions I keep walking, I keep trying to return to the inner state of no turmoil, to the point where is no gravity, to the point where I am what I am.
Same old struggle. Me, or what I think Me is…
A little song which deeply resonates with the solitude aspect of my being. Not that I feel alone, just that it really resonates.
Once upon a time there was a charming prince
Warm soul and arms of steel
but luckless on his love…
Once upon a time an angel prayed for him
they had a destiny…
Oh please, remember it…
Though the shadows tried to keep
our hearts away forever!!
it never came true.
My love was within you…
Once upon a time there was an evil hag
Was known as Lady Dark,
who made me wonder…
And before I knew it,
she poisoned my heart
And drowned yours with this sorrow…
And you’re gone.
And I’m just torn…
Please forgive me!!
Please forgive me!!!
don’t be apart of me…
Remembrances of you
Until heaven takes me, with him…
I’ll need it to survive…
without your love!!
Please remember me… Ooh!
oh , please remember me
just remember me…
‘Cause I’ll remember you…
Ivan Torent – Remember Me
There are journeys and journeys. There are a thousand fingers to point at the Moon.
What path will one choose to just look at the Moon?
A recent discussion brought me back to the aspect of dreams and other realities. Facing again aspects or facets of knowledge, of Power. Some will chose the dreams, the visions, the game of light in the mirrors.
For me, even if I’m not fully aware of it, it remains the final scope, Freedom. Freedom from dreams, realities, spaces, times, ideas. It’s the freedom to chose, not to be chosen. The freedom to be centered and borderless, to observe everything and anything what flows. For me it’s no longer a question of what finger to use when watching the Moon, it’s just a question of when there will be no separation between me and Infinity. Death is the most probable answer since I know I’m not fully dedicated to the path. But I walk and I Live. I breath and I feel. So, why worry?
Dreams, especially the lucid ones, are indeed powerful. They usually left me with a taste of the unknown, a bitter-sweet taste, a longing which tears up apart the laziness of the “real life”. I take them as they come and go, some of them I write down, but in the end I watch them merely as omens and maybe tools. Of exploration.
We all face choices, we all face crossroads.
What will you choose?
I have chosen.
Life has become a game. A game of Light and Shadows.
As there are no Shadows without a Light, there is no worry. The Shadows just reveal more from what there is, they do not hide, they just encompass what is to be seen when there is more than meets the eye.
Outlines and over lines, all becomes a dance, a flow, a swirl of momentum. Feelings undiscovered yet fill the empty space I become. A wave is flooding what remains, and yet the dissolved I remains. The I without name, without shape, a molding nothingness. There is no Dark or Light, there is the Here and Now, a fulcrum of Light and Shadows.
The joy of remembering becomes the joy of breathing. The joy of running becomes the joy of stopping. The mind is just a tool, a flute for the divine Light to sing until there is no mind left. Rays and sounds, petals of ultimate flowers become clouds devastating the realms of inner turmoil.
So, everything becomes a running, a vortex of what was, what is, what will be. And yet still, immobile, the observer is present, it just is. Without a flinch all creation flows around, even if it never could be really understood…
And then I stop. To see the blooming Life. Every flower drops a Shadow when basked in Light.
Spring is finally back.
I’m on the right track. Fighting and flowing, silent but alert, light but intense. I started again TKD training and this brought a change of pace, a fluidity which I was lacking. A new sense, a new purpose, a new focus.
And now some pics, some states of mind and soul.
Passing thru the park.
And let’s not forget the bike!