What

If
I
Am
Not
What
I
Think
I
Am

Listening my own thoughts, I stare into the darkness. I see my own breath rolling over my mind.
Sitting down I shift, my second sight takes hold of the vision. A deep vibration runs through my being.
Lost and found, forgotten or forsaken, the clouded vision engulfs me again.
Silent, I step down from the throne the ego built.
Namaste

Another Ghost in the Shell

Now I remember.

There was a fleeting moment, a glimpse into myself, a self mirroring.  The mind was crunching again notions, facts, happenings and fortunately the Observer was … observing. For each moment remembered there was an “I” until there occurred a realisation – between the “I” and the next “I” it was a translation, a jump, a stretching, a … something… and “I” lost its meaning. To put this into words, hard it is… “I” became a self viewed process, became the ghost outside the shell.

Since then, a shadow of doubt obscures my view, I look, I listen, I perceive .. but is it all the same? I feel like a buoy in an infinite sea, having roots but still too much weight to always stay above the waves. Sun, sea, sky and me. And infinite crossroads. What do I choose? How do I struggle? What is the meaning of the “I”?

A Ghost in the Shell. The name of an animation movie which left me longing and thinking. It had a certain impact on me, a message to receive beyond the actual techno-fantasy it presents. A message about trans-humanity, about an uncertain type of future. The swan song of humanity as we know it.

Still searching.

Distant rays

 

Gravitation

In the beginning I was floating… No direction, no sense, no feeling.  Or was it the beginning?

Then it came. Like a sound. But it was a wave.  A ripple in the fabric of my vision. A thundering wave molded from velvet darkness and liquid infinity. It’s progress was reverberating in my soul like the steps of an angel in a deserted hall of stone.  Each step has it’s own descending power, each step marks the passing of an age.

After the first wave there was light and rays and halos. Luminous clouds were rolling,  chasing the sound, altering the perception, swirling around the center. And sinuous thoughts were taking form, attraction was forming, gravity was taking a hold. In all this time, the observer was observed, the  life kept claiming more and more from the nothingness.

So pulled I was. To that and that and that. To feelings, to emotions, to facts and non-facts, to illusions, to forms … Attraction acting  as a law,  my own blindness acting as a sticky glue, leaving me bound to things without value, to an unrelenting past and a tangled web of petty tyrants.

Step after step, wave after wave, crushing my own illusions I keep walking, I keep trying to return to the inner state of no turmoil, to the point where is no gravity, to the point where I am what I am.

Same old struggle. Me, or what I think Me is…

 

 

Remember me

A little song which deeply resonates with the solitude aspect of my being. Not that I feel alone, just that it really resonates.

 

Once upon a time there was a charming prince
Warm soul and arms of steel
but luckless on his love…

Once upon a time an angel prayed for him
they had a destiny…
Remember it…

Oh please, remember it…

Though the shadows tried to keep
our hearts away forever!!
it never came true.
My love was within you…

Once upon a time there was an evil hag
Was known as Lady Dark,
who made me wonder…

And before I knew it,
she poisoned my heart
And drowned yours with this sorrow…
And you’re gone.
And I’m just torn…

Please forgive me!!
Please forgive me!!!
don’t be apart of me…

I’ll keep
Remembrances of you
Until heaven takes me, with him…
I’ll need it to survive…
without your love!!

Please remember me… Ooh!
oh , please remember me
just remember me…
‘Cause I’ll remember you…

Ivan Torent – Remember Me

Forever is now

It feels like
keeping and holding a star in the sky
born to be born again with you
the days of thunder cry their goodbye
and for the first time I know what to do
I just keep on being one with you

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

loving and fighting the mirror I need
dearest I’m down on the ground
waitind to see whereto the storm leads
it’s my blood that bleeds from your wounds
dearest you’re all that I need

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

and when I kiss you
your lips are the onla food I need
your fingertips open
spaces that make me complete
dearest you’re all that I need

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

forever yours, forever yours
I’m here to stay
cause in your arms, in your arms
I feel so save

forever

loving – fighting
holding – losing
giving – taking

wanting forever you

loving – fighting
holding – losing
giving – taking

Xandria – Forever Yours

It’s not a bird…

It’s just another dream to stop the mind rolling. It looks absurd, and it is, but in the end, another dream has stopped my mind and left me breathing.

A dream like many other, but long enough to remember, to believe it as “real”, to enjoy the intense feeling of flight, of freedom, of diving thru space. A dream which left me open and unbroken.  And longing for the silence.

As always I keep walking, keep making mistakes and learning from them.

SkyView